The Lion King 20th Anniversary Parody (Nearing Completion)
by WTF123
Summary: Please read the Author's Note inside for explanation!


**_I am aware that this parody here is largely incomplete and seems rather disjointed here. Allow me to explain why. With my last two parodies of The Lion King 1 1/2 and The Lion King II, I was able to get them out on both of their respective anniversary dates. However, as painful as this was for me, I was unable to complete this one of the first film for its 20th anniversary. Things have been incredibly busy around here, ranging from having to care for my dog, school having just let out for me a few days ago, and a month ago my grandfather died, which hasn't exactly gone well for anyone in my family.  
_**

**_That is why I'm going to need a compromise from this, just this one time. Although this parody is incomplete, I would feel horrible about missing something as huge as the 20th anniversary of the whole Lion King franchise. So although I didn't plan on this, I'm just going to have to give this as it is for now. What I'll do is this: Tomorrow, I will reopen this in the Document Manager and add what I can to it, therefore completing this parody at a later time. I know I might disappoint many people with this, but please try to understand, I've just been so pressed for time with my writing lately, but I refuse to let the 20th anniversary just pass me by like this because it means that much to me._**

**I could also use this opportunity to take suggestions for what I could do next and add. In the reviews, please don't hate this because it's incomplete, I just refused to publish this as day later than it's supposed to be, no matter what state it's in. So tell me what I could add or adjust here, and I will take it into consideration. And then when I announce it, this parody will be complete and replaced in the Doc. Manager with the proper version. Just come back to this when that happens.**

**_I do not own The Lion King, it belongs to Walt Disney Studios._**

* * *

**_The Lion King 20th Anniversary Parody_**

_The sun rises. The savannah is beautifully lit by its light._

SUN  
Naaaants Ingoooonyaaaaaaaaaaaaaama Bagithi Ba-!

MUFASA  
Shut the_ f*ck_ up! You do this _every freaking morning!_

_The animals gather at Pride Rock, Zazu flies up to Mufasa standing on the edge, and Rafiki appears. He goes up Pride Rock and somehow manages to climb over the edge even with no footing whatsoever. He comes up to baby Simba._

MUFASA  
So, you want to hold my only infant son over the edge of a huge freaking cliff?

RAFIKI  
Sure, no way dat can go wrong at all, am I right?

SARABI  
Oh yes, seems completely safe...

SARABI (In her thoughts)  
Man, he must've been on some serious acid to come up with this idea of a ceremony.

_Rafiki picks up Simba, walks to the edge of Pride Rock and holds him up for all to see._

SIMBA (In his thoughts, frantic)  
Please don't drop me, please don't drop me, please don't drop me...

_The ceremony continues as the scene fades out. Scene changes to Scar in a random cave, laying down as he holds his iPod and has headphones on. He is listening to Michael Jackson's Billy Jean._

SCAR  
Oh Michael, you... shall always be king of pop.

_Suddenly, Scar starts to move his tail from side to side, gradually moving it between his legs. Suddenly Zazu comes in, interrupting his song._

ZAZU  
Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with yourself?

_Scar sighs._

SCAR  
What the hell do you want?

ZAZU  
I should probably tell you now that Mufasa's on his way here, and uh... he's pretty pissed.

SCAR  
Where is _here_ anyway?

ZAZU  
What?

SCAR (Standing up)  
I mean where are we now? We're not inside Pride Rock, and this cave is never seen anywhere again. So where are we?

ZAZU  
Simple! We're in... we're... uh...

SCAR  
Exactly what I thought, total lack of consistency!

ZAZU (To himself)  
Hm, more consistent than Michael Jackson's skin.

SCAR  
I heard that!

ZAZU  
O-okay that came out wrong! No wait, don't... _Oh holy crap!_

_Zazu tries to fly away, but Scar encloses him in his jaws. Suddenly Mufasa appears._

MUFASA  
Scar, drop him, you don't know where that's been. In fact I think it'd actually be better if you _didn't_ know where he's been lately...

_Scar quickly spits Zazu out, leaving him covered in saliva._

ZAZU  
Great f*cking timing, your majesty.

SCAR  
Let me guess, you're going to bitch and moan about my "obsession" with Michael Jackson, right Mufasa?

MUFASA  
Sarabi and I didn't see you at the presentation of Simba.

SCAR  
The way I see it, brother, how would you rather have your movie start off? Some Elton John song, or Billy f*cking Jean?

MUFASA  
Scar, how long will this obsession of yours go on? I mean really, the 90s can't last forever.

SCAR  
_That's_ what pisses me off, brother! Almost as much as how lions aren't able to pleasure themselves, I mean really, how the f*ck are we-?

MUFASA  
We can.

_Scar's eyes widen._

SCAR  
... W-what?

MUFASA  
What the hell do you think we have tails for?

SCAR  
We... we can do that?

ZAZU  
You know this really would explain a lot, sire.

_Brief silence. Scar turns around to the other exit of the cave._

SCAR  
Okay then, interesting discovery. If anybody needs me, I'll be... you know what... please _don't_ need me.

_He walks off._

SCAR (From the distance)  
And say hi to the little brat for me, I guess!

ZAZU  
Like he's one to talk, sire.

MUFASA  
What am I going to do with him?

ZAZU  
Maybe you could show him the last Twilight movie.

MUFASA  
Zazu!

_Mufasa and Zazu walk out of the cave and into the grass._

ZAZU  
And just think... whenever he shrieks like a little girl, you could take a video of it and post it onto Youtube. It'd go viral in a week.

_Mufasa chuckles to himself. Scene changes to Rafiki in his tree during a rainstorm, with open fruits all around him. His tree branches are covered in Rage Comics and overused Internet memes of all sorts. He is painting cub Simba amongst those. He wipes a streak of paint over the forehead._

RAFIKI  
Seeeeimbuuuhhh... And let de sick ass Urban Dictionary entries begin.

_Scene changes again to Pride Rock early one morning, this time with Simba as bit older. He runs into the den and tries to wake up Mufasa._

SIMBA  
Dad, come on, get up! You promised me you'd tell me where babies come from today!

SARABI (Half asleep)  
You really promised him that, huh?

MUFASA (Half asleep)  
It was the only way I could get him to stay quiet about what he saw Scar doing to himself last week.

_Simba head-butts Mufasa in his sleep._

SIMBA  
You promised!

_Brief pause._

MUFASA  
Okay okay, I'm up, I'm up.

SIMBA  
Yeah!

_Scene changes to Simba and Mufasa on top of Pride Rock, watching the sunrise._

MUFASA  
Look Simba, everything the light touches is our kingdom.

SIMBA  
So every part of the world that has sun touching it, that's ours?

MUFASA  
Yeah.

SIMBA  
So if the sun always touches half the Earth, then half the world is ours at all times?

MUFASA  
Exactly.

SIMBA  
... Who came up with that?

MUFASA  
Hell if I know, son. All I know is that it's going to be yours one day.

SIMBA  
Kick ass.

_He walks over and sees the Elephant Graveyard in the distance._

SIMBA  
What about that shadowy place?

MUFASA  
That's Mordor, Simba. One does not simply walk into there.

SIMBA  
But didn't you literally just say anything the sun touches is mine? That I can go wherever I want?

MUFASA  
Oh there's more to being king than getting your way all the time.

SIMBA  
Really?

_Scene changes to Simba and Mufasa walking out in the plains of the kingdom together._

MUFASA  
You see, Simba, it's like this: When you're king, you can sleep for twenty-one hours a day, let all the females do the hunting for you, and not give a damn what tree you piss on. It's been that way since the start of the circle of life.

SIMBA  
Circle of what?

MUFASA  
Well when we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so, we are all connected in what's called the great circle of life.

SIMBA  
So you're saying that those antelope over there could be eating my great grandfather right now?

MUFASA  
Yes.

SIMBA  
That's... kind of messed up, dad.

MUFASA (To himself)  
So is what's going to happen to me later in the script.

SIMBA  
What?

MUFASA  
Nothing.

_Suddenly Zazu comes flying in, landing on a rock in front of Mufasa._

ZAZU  
Good morning, sire! Checking in with the morning report.

MUFASA  
Go ahead.

ZAZU  
Well, apparently Disney took the time to completely reanimate this scene to add a totally unnecessary song to the DVD, and yet they still won't do a Lion King III.

MUFASA  
Oh really?

ZAZU  
And they've also announced-

_Simba does not appear to be paying attention anymore._

SIMBA (To himself)  
God damn, this is boring. Can we just get this over with already? I'm trying to learn how to train my Charmander from Pokemon Red, and I am NOT gonna make any progress just standing here!

MUFASA (Taking notice of Simba)  
Here, Simba, how about this...

_He leans down and motions Simba to stay low in the grass._

MUFASA  
Imagine that Zazu is a wild Pidgey, and you are the Pokeball.

ZAZU (Stopping)  
What's going on?

MUFASA  
Just playing Pokemon with Simba. Trying to catch a Pidgey.

ZAZU (Turning around)  
Oh, very nice, sire, very nice bird-type of... wait...

_Simba pounces Zazu off guard, nearly giving him a heart attack. Mufasa laughs._

SIMBA  
Talk about catching 'em all, huh, dad?

ZAZU (Under his breath)  
I swear to Christ, I'm going to make him listen to Lavender Town in his sleep one of these days...

_Scene changes to Simba approaching Scar on the side of Pride Rock. He looks incredibly tired._

SIMBA  
Hey Uncle Scar, guess what?

SCAR (Excited, happy)  
You caught a horrible disease and you have three days to live?

SIMBA  
Nope! I'm gonna be king of Pride Rock some day!

SCAR  
God dammit...

_Scar lazily tosses himself on the ground. Simba comes up to him._

SIMBA  
Hey uncle Scar, if I'm king, what'll that make you?

SCAR  
An annoying bastard's uncle.

SIMBA  
Uh... what?

SCAR (Getting back up)  
Never mind. So, if your father showed you the kingdom, did he tell you what's beyond the borders of Mordor?

SIMBA  
No. He said one does not simply walk in.

SCAR  
Well I happen to know a secret about Mordor.

SIMBA  
Really?

SCAR  
Oh yes. They say that Walt Disney's frozen head is hidden there.

SIMBA (Excited)  
Really?!

SCAR (Turning around)  
Yes. They say no one's ever gotten it. But if you're going to be kingly material someday... Maybe you could. It'll be worth millions once we sell it online.

_Scar turns back around and sees that Simba has already ran off to find Disney's frozen head. He chuckles to himself._

SCAR  
And I thought the writers of the Star Wars prequels were idiots... wait...

_Scene changes to Simba running up to his friend Nala, who is having a bath from her mother._

SIMBA  
Hey Nala, guess what? We're gonna be rich!

NALA (Annoyed, getting licked by Sarafina)  
Simba! Don't look at me, I'm bathing!

SIMBA  
Not like you have anything to hide yet.

_He leans into her and whispers._

SIMBA  
I know how we can make millions of dollars online now!

NALA  
Bullsh*t.

SIMBA  
No really! If we do, we could finally buy that Xbox we've always wanted!

NALA (Perking up)  
Ohh...

_She turns to Sarafina._

NALA  
Uh, mom, can I go with Simba?

SARAFINA  
Hm, what do you think, Sarabi?

SARABI  
Where are you two off in such a hurry?

SIMBA  
We're, uh... g-gonna go see The Lord of the Rings.

NALA (Suddenly annoyed)  
The Lord of the Rings!? What the hell, Simba, that doesn't come out for another seven or eight years!

SIMBA (Whispering)  
You'll see what I mean when we GET there.

SARABI  
Well... It's all right with me.

_Simba and Nala cheer as they start to run off._

SARABI  
But since that's rated PG-13, I have to send Zazu with you.

_They stop dead in their tracks._

SIMBA  
Aww, what?! Not that old bastard!

_Scene changes to Simba and Nala following Zazu in a field._

ZAZU (Flying, his voice echoing)  
The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave. Seriously, that movie's like three hours long, I've got sh*t to do here.

NALA (Whispering to Simba)  
So where are we really going?

SIMBA  
We're walking into Mordor to find Disney's frozen head, so we can sell it online.

NALA  
Wow!

SIMBA  
Shhh! Zazu!

_Zazu notices Simba and Nala talking and comes down to the ground in front of them._

ZAZU  
Ah, just look at you two. I'd like to tell you now that you're betrothed.

SIMBA  
Huh?

ZAZU  
Betrothed. You know, you're destined to be married one day?

_Brief silence._

NALA  
Aaand... you decide to tell us this now, _why_? This seems like weird timing to let us know something like that.

SIMBA  
And besides, I don't want to marry her, she's my friend!

NALA (Under her breath)  
Way to friend-zone me in front of the bird, asslamp.

ZAZU  
Well, I'm afraid you two have no choice. It's a tradition going back generations!

SIMBA (Unconvinced)  
Really? How far back, exactly?

ZAZU  
It started in a time when Spongebob was actually funny.

SIMBA  
Oh sh*t, _that_ long ago? Geeze, that really _has_ been a long-ass time then!

NALA  
Wait, that used to be funny?

ZAZU  
Hard to believe, Nala, but yes. A very, very long time ago indeed...

* * *

ZAZU  
Aw great, you broke the fabric of reality again! Come on Simba, this is the sixth time this week, God knows how much more space, physics and time can take from this!

* * *

NALA  
Pinned ya!

_Brief silence._

NALA  
Uh... Simba? Why is your tail touching me like that?

SIMBA  
That's not my tail...

_Suddenly Nala pushes Simba forth over an oddly placed cliff, growling at him. She comes down beside him._

NALA  
Only in your dreams, Simba...

* * *

_The three hyenas appear and surround them. Ed has a bright white lab coat on, thick glasses, and several pockets with mobile scientific equipment. He is walking much more normally than Shenzi or Banzai, and he has a thick British accent._

SHENZI  
Well well well, what have we got here, Banzai?

BANZAI  
Hmm, I don't know, Shenzi. What do you think Ed?

ED  
Well, it would appear as though we have just encountered two lion cubs of native African descent, very obviously around five to six months of age...

_He takes out a notepad and and writes this crap down. Shenzi and Banzai stop and give him death glares._

ED (Continued)  
Hm... one appears to be male, the other female... One has reddish orange eyes, likely from family ancestry...

BANZAI (Angry)  
Are you done yet?

ED  
No no, I simply must document this!... Let's see here... the female seems to have sapphire blue eyes, light beige pelt... the male has a much more noticeable shift towards golden yellow...

SHENZI  
For f*cks sake Ed, would you shut up and kill them already?!

ED  
No! If we are to harvest these two for digestion of any sort, we must do so with dignity and in a respectable, civilized manner!

SHENZI  
Yeah, well I think it's a little late for that now, Ed.

ED  
And why so, my dear Shenzi Marie Preda-?

SHENZI  
Because ya' let the bastards get away!

_They see that Simba, Nala and Zazu have run off in the distance._

ED (As he runs forth)  
Oh no matter, I may still conduct my studies elsewhere.

BANZAI  
If we lose 'em, I'm going to take those notes and shove 'em up your ass!

ED (Sighing)  
So uncivilized...

_They chase after them and eventually catch Zazu by the tail. Simba and Nala don't see it._

NALA  
Did we lose them?

SIMBA  
I think so... Hey, where's Zazu?

_Scene changes to the hyenas shoving Zazu down the "Birdie Boiler". Suddenly he screams and gets out, his tail on fire._

ZAZU  
Ahh! Ah, ah what the hell you three?! You do _not_ stick my ass in boiling lava, that is _not_ cool!

_He flies off, and Shenzi and Banzai laugh._

SIMBA (From a distance)  
Hey! why don't you pick on somebody your own size!

SHENZI  
Like... _you_?

SIMBA  
Uh, no! Lady, we're half your freaking height, how the hell are we your own size?

SHENZI  
Easy! Because we're... we... uh...

ED  
I concur with the cub, Shenzi.

_Shenzi growls._

ED (Continued)  
We are approximately 3.9 times their hight, width, length and most likely weight, being the hyenas we are. I do not know for the life of me how your mind managed to come to the conclusion that they are of equal size to us.

SHENZI  
The same way I came to _this_ conclusion!

_She smacks him across the face, making Banzai laugh._

ED  
Most unorthadoxed...

* * *

MUFASA  
Simba, I am very disappointed in you.

SIMBA  
I know, I shouldn't have gone into hyena territory.

MUFASA  
No, I'm not talking about that. I mean with you trying to pin Nala while you were there. Do you have any idea what you two almost ended up doing?

SIMBA  
No. Why?

MUFASA  
Didn't anyone ever tell you about the birds and the bees?

SIMBA  
...The hell is that?

_Mufasa sighs._

MUFASA  
I thought I told your mother to talk to you about this. Didn't she ever say anything about something called that to you?

SIMBA (Getting increasingly annoyed)  
She tried to the other day. But then for some reason she just started getting into mumbling and ranting to herself about how Scar won't stop stalking her over Facebook, that he keeps spamming her email every week and yada yada yada, just mom stuff.

MUFASA (To himself)  
God dammit, Scar...

_He clears his throat._

MUFASA  
Fine, I'll guess I'll tell you about it now, then.

_He lays down with Simba, and he climbs on his back. They look up to the stars._

SIMBA  
Hey dad, didn't you say the stars were actually the great kings of the past?

MUFASA  
Yes, they'll always be there to guide you. But that's not what I'm here to talk about, Simba. Let me tell you something that my father told me, and also something he completely neglected to tell Scar about at the same time... when a lion and a lioness love each other very much...

_Scene changes to Scar in his creepy den, where Banzai is still ranting about what Mufasa did earlier._

BANZAI  
To think, we could've been having those lousy cubs for dinner right now! Just eating 'em raw like they were fresh from Taco Bell!

_He looks over to Ed near him, who has a large laboratory set up on his side of the den. He's writing down notes and observing test tubes, most likely finding a cure for cancer._

ED  
I have no time for such atrocities, Banzai. You know I for one am much more civilized than that.

BANZAI  
It's not funny, Ed!

_Ed looks up to him._

ED  
I never said such a thing, my dear Banzai. What on Earth made you-?

_Suddenly Banzai growls and lunges forth at Ed. He smashes many of his test tubes and flings his notes around, scattering paper and chemicals everywhere. He knocks Ed to the ground, and he gives Banzai a stern look._

ED  
Most unorthodoxed, Banzai! Look at what you've done to my research, now how will I find a cure for all the world's heinous diseases?!

BANZAI  
Hey, I'm just following the script, Doc.

_Ed growls._

ED  
No matter. I will remain collected about this. Perhaps I haven't lost quite that much of my research just yet.

SHENZI (From the other side)  
Will you two knock it off?! Jesus Christ, listening to your proper technobabble is driving me freaking insane, Ed! What are you, The Architect of the Matrix or something?

ED  
Actually Shenzi, I do take quite a bit of inspiration from-

SHENZI (Interrupting)  
Don't! Don't answer that, for the love of _God_!

_Suddenly Scar appears from a ledge above._

SCAR  
Oh, surely he can't be all that bad.

_The hyenas take little notice of Scar this time._

BANZAI  
Piss off, Scar, we're completely exhausted from almost getting mauled today. I hate lions because of him!

SCAR  
I see. So I take it you want to get back at Mufasa, right?

SHENZI  
Ohh, yeah I do. But my God, Scar, just hearing that name makes me tingle all over when you say it.

_Banzai gives her a dirty look._

BANZAI  
Mufasa!

SHENZI  
Ohh... do it again!

BANZAI  
Mufasa Mufasa Mufasa!

_Shenzi lays on her back. She appears to be sexually aroused by this._

SHENZI  
Oh God, keep saying it, Banzai!

BANZAI  
Mufasa...?

_Shenzi starts panting_

SHENZI  
Say it again, say it again, Ahh, ah! I'm almost there!

_Ed turns around from his lab._

ED  
My word, what a grotesque display. I should like to remind you both that we are partaking in a children's film, we are prohibited from depicting such amorous moments such as that! Now cease it before we receive a PG rating or worse! You know what occurred to the last Walt Disney Studios film to have gotten that.

BANZAI (Glaring at Ed)  
... _Mufasa_!

SHENZI (Climaxing off-screen)  
Ahhh! Oh yeah, that's it right there!... Too late, Ed.

ED  
If this film's box office returns decline because of the rating, blame me not.

SCAR  
I really am surrounded by idiots.

SCAR  
Now you wait here. Your father has a marvelous surprise for you!

SIMBA (Yawning)  
Yeah, yeah, let's just get this over with, Scar. My dad told me about the birds and the bees last night, and I want to go try some of that stuff with Nala today! They sound awesome!

_Scar stops dead in his tracks, looking utterly horrified, his eyes wide. His breathing intensifies._

SCAR  
I'm not even going to begin to go into how many things are wrong with what you just said, Simba...

_Simba sits down on a rock beneath a tree._

SCAR  
A-anyway, Simba... j-just wait here while I go get your father... and then boil my eyes out so I don't envision you and Nala doing... that...

_Scar starts to walk away._

SIMBA  
Hey uncle Scar? I was wondering- What would second base for lions be?

_Scar stops again, this time holding back his own vomit._

SCAR  
It... it would be... to die for... to know... Simba...

_He walks away, disgusted. Scene pans up to Shenzi, Banzai and Ed waiting to start the stampede of wildebeests. Ed is experimenting with a miniature atom-smasher._

* * *

_Simba curls up by Mufasa's body. Suddenly the sounds of thousands of people across the world crying are heard in the background._

SIMBA  
Oh come on!

* * *

TIMON  
Repeat after me... Hakuna Wasiwasi.

SIMBA  
Huh?

PUMBAA  
Hakuna Wasiwasi! It means no wo-

SIMBA  
Yeah yeah, I know what it means. But it's supposed to be Hakuna Matata, isn't it? Where the hell did you get wasiwasi from?

TIMON  
Well, Google Translate of course.

SIMBA  
What?

PUMBAA  
Yeah. Apparently 'no worries' actually translates to Hakuna Wasiwasi.

SIMBA  
Really?

TIMON  
Yeah, guess we've had that wrong for a while now. So uh, what do you say kid? You want to stay with us? I mean you can totally trust two random strangers in the desert, right?

SIMBA  
Huh, I never knew that, actually... Yeah, better than frying to death out here, I guess.

PUMBAA  
Perfect!

_Scene changes to Timon and Pumbaa moving away a bush to reveal their vast jungle home to Simba. He stares in awe at it._

SIMBA  
You live here?

TIMON  
Yep, and it didn't cost us a damn thing.

SIMBA  
Isn't that illegal?

TIMON  
Like we give a f*ck, Simba.

_Scene changes to Timon, Pumbaa and Simba walking through the jungle. Pumbaa lifts up a log with his tusks, revealing bugs everywhere beneath it._

SIMBA  
Uh, guys? What are you doing?...

TIMON  
Well you've gotta eat something here, don't ya?

SIMBA  
Hell no! How am I supposed to live off that my entire life?!

PUMBAA  
Uh, you eat them, I guess?

SIMBA  
That's disgusting!

TIMON (Throwing the bugs down)  
Well, what else do you want?

SIMBA  
Well... can we get some McDonalds?

TIMON  
What-

PUMBAA  
Yeah, sure, Simba!

_Timon tries to say something in protest, but Simba interrupts._

SIMBA  
Ooh, can I get a toy with that too?

TIMON  
I don't think that's such-

PUMBAA  
Yep.

SIMBA (Jumping for joy)  
Whohoo! Yeah! What are waiting for, Timon, let's go get some McDonalds!

TIMON  
Oy... you're killin' me, kid...

_Scene changes to the three of them walking along a log. Scene cross dissolves to show Simba aging as the years go by. He is seen texting with an iPhone for a while, and Timon gives him a weird look. __Eventually the log that's so long that it took them 5 years to cross ends, and they jump into a lake, emerging soaking wet. Simba is a fully grown adult now._

SIMBA  
What do you guys say we go smashing mailboxes again?

TIMON  
Hell yeah, just like old times, buddy!

_They run off to smash mailboxes in the jungle._

* * *

SIMBA  
You don't even know what I've been through!

NALA  
Probably not as bad as what I went through.

SIMBA  
Oh really? What happened to you?

NALA  
Scar tried to rape me before I came here!

_Brief pause._

SIMBA  
He... he what?

NALA  
He said he wanted me to be his queen, and that's why I left.

SIMBA  
...You've gotta be kidding me.

NALA  
What?

SIMBA  
I'm not even going to begin to go into how many things are wrong with that.

NALA  
I don't think-

SIMBA  
Nala! You are literally _five years younger than him!_ Does he have _any_ idea how big an age difference that is for lions? Just what the f*ck was he...!

_Simba starts to run off._

SIMBA (Disturbed)  
Oh my God, I... I think I'm gonna be sick... I've gotta go. I feel _unclean_ just from hearing that.

NALA (To herself)  
You think that's unclean, try seeing some of the fan art they did between Scar and I...

_Simba runs into a field and rests on a log over a pond. He appears to be sickened by what Nala said. Suddenly he sees a rock land in the pond and looks over He sees Rafiki singing in a tree, coming over to him. He walks away._

SIMBA  
Sheesh, would you cut it out, ya crazy monkey?

RAFIKI  
Can't cut it out! It'll grow right back!

SIMBA  
That can mean two things, crackhead.

RAFIKI  
So is what I'm about to to say in de script!

SIMBA  
Let me guess, "I am your father", right? Yeah, never heard that one before.

RAFIKI  
You're Mufasa's boy!

_Simba suddenly gasps and looks behind him._

RAFIKI  
Close enough. Catch me if you can, bitch.

* * *

SCAR  
Admit it Simba, you were responsible for Mufasa's death!

SARABI  
Wait, didn't you say Mufasa died in a stampede?

SCAR  
He... he did.

SARABI  
So how was Simba responsible, where the hell are you suddenly getting that?

NALA  
Yeah, you never said anything about him having to do with it before!

SCAR  
He... he started the stampede with his little roar.

SARABI  
How do you know that? You never mentioned anything about him doing that!

NALA  
What's going on here, Scar?

SCAR  
Look, I read back in the script, okay? The writers let me do it because I'm a goddamned Disney villain and I'm goddamned awesome! Is that good enough for you all?!

SARABI (To herself)  
F*cking egotist.

_Scar starts to force Simba back to he edge of Pride Rock now, with the hyenas behind him._

SCAR  
Anyway Simba, enough with this bullsh*t. You're in trouble again...

SIMBA (To the lionesses)  
Uh, guys? I could use some help here.

_The lionesses just stand and stare blankly._

SCAR  
... But this time, daddy isn't here to save you...

SIMBA  
Guys! A little help, I'm probably going to die here!... Nala? Mom? Anybody?

_The lionesses stay still._

SCAR  
... And now everyone knows why!

SIMBA (Unimpressed)  
No? Nothing from you, mom? You're really just gonna stand there and let your son die after thinking he was dead for years?... nothing at all? not even a "Hey, let's let Simba explain himself before letting him fall over a cliff"?

_Brief pause._

SIMBA (Even more unimpressed)  
Nothing?... *sigh*, God, I came back for this?

_Simba slips over the edge of Pride Rock and hangs on for dear life. Suddenly a lightning bolt strikes below him and starts a fire in a group of trees that miraculously weren't there before._

SIMBA (annoyed)  
Oh come on! Now we've got this too?

SCAR  
Who cares? I believe I've seen this before anyway. This is just the way your father looked before he died...

_Scar rips his claws into Simba's arms as he hangs on. Scar leans into him now._

SCAR  
And here's my little secret... I... wrote... the Star Wars prequels.

_Suddenly, Simba's eyes widen and he leaps forth, pouncing Scar._

SIMBA  
_**Noooo**_! Murderer! You childhood murderer!

SCAR  
No, Simba, please!

SIMBA (Furious)  
Tell them the truth!

SCAR  
Oh Simba, truth is in the eye of the behol-

_Suddenly, Simba starts to Force-choke Scar out of nowhere._

SIMBA  
I find your lack of faith disturbing...

SCAR  
This isn't funny... your father's voice... has nothing to do with-.. all right... all right! I did it.

SIMBA  
So they can hear you.

SCAR (Shouting)  
I wrote the Star Wars prequels! Oh, and I kind of killed Mufasa too...

NALA  
WHAT!?

SARABI  
So _you're_ the reason those prequels were so terrible!

_Suddenly, the hyenas run forth and attack Simba. The lionesses start to fight back, and an enormous battle ensues while the fire spreads around Pride Rock._

* * *

_Simba flips Scar off, and then he flips him off of Pride Rock's side, making him fall to the ground. His neck snaps, and the hight of the fall instantly kills him. Then the hyenas surround him._

SHENZI  
Is... is he?

BANZAI  
Yep, he's dead.

SHENZI  
Well what the hell, this wasn't in the script! We were supposed to do that!

ED  
If you look at it from my point of view, Shenzi my dear, it does look as though this mountainous form is at least one hundred and fifty feet in height, it was to be expected that he would not survive a fall from that high up.

BANZAI  
For once, Ed... I get it.

SHENZI  
So... now what?

_Brief pause._

BANZAI  
Anybody up for something at Taco Bell right now?

_The hyenas all cheer in unison._

SHENZI  
Hell yeah, I thought you'd never ask!

ED  
And for once, Banzai, I concur with your proposition as well.

_The hyenas all walk off to find the nearest Taco Bell in celebration as the rain starts to fall, dousing the flames around Pride Rock. Simba comes down and is greeted by all of the lionesses, happy that he's alive._

SARABI  
I'm so proud of you, Simba.

SIMBA (In his thoughts)  
Note to self, put that down as an idea for the title of the sequel.

_Suddenly, Rafiki direct Simba to the view of Pride Rock's ledge. He goes up to him and hugs him._

RAFIKI  
Congrats on getting laid in de jungle, Simba.

SIMBA  
You saw that?

RAFIKI  
Maybe...

SIMBA  
I'll maul you for that later, I guess.

He ascends up Pride Rock's ledge and looks up to the clouds. Mufasa speaks.

MUFASA  
you are the Pokeball...

_Simba roars for all to hear, and the lionesses roar back. The Pride Lands become inexplicably restored to their previous state. Then, Simba and Nala watch as Rafiki holds up Kopa for all to see off of Pride Rock. Suddenly, Rafiki's grip weakens and Kopa falls. They all appear shocked._

RAFIKI  
Kopa?...

_Brief pause._

SIMBA  
Uh Nala, you _did_ say we had twins back there, right?

NALA  
Yeah.

SIMBA (To Rafiki)  
Okay, get the other one. We'll just use her for the sequel instead.

NALA  
You think the fans will be okay with that?

SIMBA  
Sure, they'll take it fine. I mean no one can notice that the cubs'll look different, right?

NALA  
Yeah, I'm sure there won't be any debates over this at all.

SIMBA  
Yep. None... at... all...

**_THE END_**

* * *

**_This story is in special dedication to all lovers and admirers of this timeless masterpiece._**


End file.
